Talk to Your Partner
Communication is a huge factor in sexual relationships.
From STI testing to forms of contraception, there are a lot of factors to discuss before sexual contact takes place. Consider discussing the following points below with a potential partner.
Are We Ready For Sex?
- Do you trust your partner?
- Does your partner trust you?
- Do you feel respected by your partner?
- Do you respect your partner?
- Are you comfortable talking about sex with your partner?
Contraception
- What form of contraception should we use?
- Do we have contraception?
- Do we know how to use it correctly?
- Should we talk to someone first (health educator, nurse, etc.)
- Are you allergic to latex?
- Where can we buy contraception?
Sexually Transmitted Infections
- Have you ever been tested for STI’s?
- When was the last time you were tested?
- Do you want to get tested with me?
- How many sexual partners have you had?
- Have you had sex with anyone that has ever tested positive for an STI?
- Where can we get tested?
- What form of contraception will protect us the best against STI’s?
Consent
A voluntary, mutually understandable agreement that clearly indicates a willingness to engage in each instance of sexual activity.
- Consent to one act does not imply consent to another.
- Past consent does not imply future consent.
- Consent to engage in sexual activity with one person does not imply consent to engage in sexual activity with another.
- Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
- Any expression of an unwillingness to engage in any instance of sexual activity establishes a presumptive lack of consent.
Consent is not effective if it results from:
- The use of physical force
- A threat of physical force
- Intimidation
- Coercion
- Incapacitation
- Any other factor that would eliminate an individual’s ability to exercise his or her own free will to choose whether or not to have sexual activity.
University Consent Definition
A voluntary, mutually understandable agreement that clearly indicates a willingness to engage in each instance of sexual activity. Consent to one act does not imply consent to another. Past consent does not imply future consent. Consent to engage in sexual activity with one person does not imply consent to engage in sexual activity with another. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Any expression of an unwillingness to engage in any instance of sexual activity establishes a presumptive lack of consent.
Consent is not effective if it results from: (a) the use of physical force, (b) a threat of physical force, (c) intimidation, (d) coercion, (e) incapacitation or (f) any other factor that would eliminate an individual’s ability to exercise his or her own free will to choose whether or not to have sexual activity.
A current or previous dating or sexual relationship, by itself, is not sufficient to constitute consent. Even in the context of a relationship, there must be a voluntary, mutually understandable agreement that clearly indicates a willingness to engage in each instance of sexual activity.
The definition of consent for the crime of sexual assault in Texas can be found in Section 22.011(b) of the Texas Penal Code.
Texas Penal Code, Section 22.011(b) states that a sexual assault is without consent if: (1) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by the use of physical force or violence; (2) the actor compels the other person. to submit or participate by threatening to use force or violence against the other person, and the other person believes that the actor has the present ability to execute the threat; (3) the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unconscious or physically unable to resist; (4) the actor knows that as a result of mental disease or defect the other person is at the time of the sexual assault incapable either of appraising the nature of the act or of resisting it; (5) the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unaware that the sexual assault is occurring; (6) the actor has intentionally impaired the other person’s power to appraise or control the other person’s conduct by administering any substance without the other person’s knowledge; (7) the actor compels the other person to submit or participate by threatening to use force or violence against any person, and the other person believes that the actor has the ability to execute the threat.
Asking for Consent
Be sure to talk with your partner before sex begins so you both have a clear understanding of what will take place sexually. You should also check in with your partner to be sure that they are still comfortable with what is happening during sexual activity and talk about each new sexual activity before it begins.
Things you should be asking:
- What type of protection do you prefer to use?
- What sexual acts are you comfortable with?
- What sexual acts are you not comfortable with?
- If you want things to stop, how will you let me know?
- If we get uncomfortable, we will let each other know by .
- Are you still okay with this?
- Are you comfortable?
If one or both of you have been drinking, consider the following:
- Discuss waiting until you are both sober.
- Ask each other if you feel well enough to have sex.
- Will you both remember what happens?
- Would it be better for you both to wait?
- Would you both consent to sex if you were sober?
- Have one or both of you had too much to drink? More than they/you would usually drink?
Giving Consent
In addition to asking for proper consent, it is important to let your partner know in a clear way what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to voice your preferences before and during sex. Verbal communication is a key component to giving proper consent.
Examples of how to say ‘Yes’:
- I am comfortable with .
- This feels good.
- Yes, I am okay with that.
- Yes, but that is it for now.
- I want to try .
Examples of how to say ‘No’:
- No. Let’s stop.
- Wait. I’m not comfortable with that.
- I am not comfortable with .
- I’m not ready for that.
- I don’t want to try that.